Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
