How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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