I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
