Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize