i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
