i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she told me i tasted like america
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
