Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
