What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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