I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
