She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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