Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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