happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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