O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
