She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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