My room smells like vodka and shame
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
