I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
