So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
