i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
