this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
