i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
