sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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