last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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