I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize