for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
