Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
