Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
