the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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