I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
well you can't waste a boner
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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