I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
