you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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