I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
