their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
