If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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