I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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