yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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