Small penises have feelings too.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
