I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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