I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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