There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
