you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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