Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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