Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
