I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
