Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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