i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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