Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
