hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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