Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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