I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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