everyone is single if you try hard enough
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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