I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
