I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
