My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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