Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
